Family, Blood, and Scorpions
You’ve probably heard the quote “blood is thicker than water” before.
I disagree with it.
After all, the complete quote says that “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”
I’m not sure how the quote got watered down as time went by but I believe that the people you choose to bond is more significant to you than the people you have by default.
However, I’m not writing this to emphasize that fact nor am I going to contradict myself. Rather, my goal here is to give you another perspective: blood can be as thick as water.
Your Family Is Difficult To Love And That’s Normal
Have you ever wished that if only a member of your family could change, it would be so much easier to love them? But have you ever thought that nobody’s perfect and it’s totally fine?
Maybe you had a parent who always discouraged you from pursuing your passion. Or you had a sibling who always gets in your nerves. Or maybe your family always compares you with a friend or another family member. These are one of the common ways your family makes it difficult for you to love them unconditionally.
It’s pretty normal to have a family with lots of issues. After all, we also have issues ourselves. No matter how close you are with each other, the people you know will always have the capacity to hurt you. Whether they do it intentionally or not is irrelevant. People can hurt you and your family is no exception. Again, nobody’s perfect.
So how do you go beyond this fact that people can hurt each other?
Of Family And Scorpions
My Mom said something I’ll never forget:
If a person always gives you scorpions, then maybe that’s all they have to give.
Think about that for a minute.
Now think of a family member who seems to only give you scorpions.
These family members are the ones that are the most difficult people to love. They never seem to care enough for you nor do they seem to struggle sleeping at night despite what they’ve done to you. They are totally capable of hurting you just because they can, not because they’re doing it out of any sort of good intentions.
Don’t you feel sad for them? How broken or twisted could somebody be that all they’re capable of giving you is scorpions? Aren’t they the ones that deserve to be loved the most?
Because on the flip side, maybe that’s all they ever know. Maybe they can’t help it at all. Maybe, just maybe, they went through some horrible stuff from their family when they were young. This might be just wishful thinking from me but please consider these ideas.
Your Reaction Is A Reflection Of You
There are things that you can control and things that you can’t. You may not be able to control your family’s toxicity, but your response is totally under your control.
It all begins with trying to understand them. Seek first to understand, then be understood.
You really need to go out of your way and try to understand why they are behaving like that. Maybe they’re just bitter because they didn’t get to achieve their dreams and now they’re putting that pressure onto you. Maybe they’re projecting their own personal insecurities on to you, that’s why they don’t want you to be successful.
Whatever reason that may be is irrelevant. Why? Because it DOES NOT define you at all and it shouldn’t be the basis for your actions. Your actions should be based on your values and principles. Your actions speaks about you, not them.
No matter what they say about you, it won’t change the fact that you have total control of your life. So go be you.
Better yet, take the extra step. Reach out to them with genuine concern. Go give them a gift out of the blue. Try talking to them about the things they like. Ask their advice even if you might not agree with it.
The underlying logic behind reacting to them positively is this: Instead of wishing for other people to change, initiate change within them by moving their hearts.
Be Patient With The Process
It takes a person with a big heart to understand and love difficult people in their family. Maybe you’re not yet prepared to give your family a chance and that’s totally fine. Be patient with yourself, as you are with them.
Start with the small stuff. Then try to move on towards bigger things. Keep knocking on their hearts.
Of course, you’re not going to be perfect as well but the point is to keep on trying. Be genuinely active in reaching out to them with love.
What if despite everything you did, they still won’t change? What if no matter how much you show your love, they’re still the same old toxic people you’ve grown to detest?
Don’t give up. Trust the process and be patient. Once again, remember that your actions reflect who you truly are.
If your family has abused you in any way whatsoever, I’m sorry you had to go through that. That’s definitely not fine and it’s not your fault. I’m not going to tell you how to heal since I’m not in a position to do that.
Your family might have done something or they believe in something that crosses the line of your own values, beliefs, and principles. I couldn’t really blame you if you wish to disconnect with them.
These are my personal thoughts and this is how I fixed my relationship with my family. Maybe it works for you, maybe it doesn’t. That’s totally fine as well.