Stuck In Limbo

Back when I was a teenager, one of my most beloved phrases when it comes to my life is “the plan is there is no plan”.

That phrase was a culmination of my immaturity due to youth, frustrations, and regrets.

It was also a result of acknowledging that no matter how hard I work for something, life can sucker punch you and turn your world upside down.

No matter how well you prepare, there’s a loophole that can wreck everything.

At that point in time, that reality really sucked for me.

So I stopped doing my best and just go for the bare minimum in everything I do.

Which also wasn’t a good idea because it prevented me from developing habits that produces excellence.

Anyway, enough with that.

As I grew older, I became more interested in systems, routines, and being proactive.

Preparation became a huge part of my lifestyle.

At work, I always made sure I know everything that’s happening and to do everything in my power to make sure things were running smoothly.

Financially speaking, preparation is a huge guiding principle. Which is why I never got to the point where I had to borrow money just to make it to the next paycheck.

(Btw, I’m not judging anybody who does as different people have different circumstances. I’m just stating my situation.)

Whatever I needed, I always prepared in advance with enough time to spare.

Of course, I’m not perfect but hopefully it’s pretty clear at this point that I prepare. I want to keep uncertainties to a minimum.

It’s a different story now

So again, I’m at the stage in my life where I’m so accustomed to preparing that uncertainties outside of my control can really bother me.

I’ve applied to study Japanese in Japan. While I already got my certificate of eligibility, Japan’s borders aren’t open to students as of writing.

Just to be clear, my feelings towards this is more about my condition while I’m here in the Philippines.

There’s nothing I can do about when Japan will open its borders.

I acknowledge that.

I understand that it’s their country and I don’t have any say in how they handle their affairs.

I quit my job to prepare my documents for Japan and I’ve been studying Japanese while doing part-time work.

But here’s the thing, without a full-time job, my funds are slowly getting depleted.

I can survive until the end of the year with the money I have left in my bank account but then after that, it’s going to be tough.

Why don’t I find a full time job for the meantime?

I can’t. I don’t know when Japan will open their borders and I want to be fully prepared to go there as soon as possible.

So yeah, I’m stuck in limbo.

Waiting for something outside of my control.

I’m stressed.

Anxious.

Worried.

I don’t know.